In your family of origin, there were certain dynamics that contributed to what you believe and how you behave. For example, if there was drug or alcohol abuse occurring, chances are you weren’t allowed to show emotion, might have had to parent your parents although you were just a child, or developed unhealthy coping mechanisms, like detachment, that allowed you survive the trauma.
So many of us come from a dysfunctional home, either because of addictions of parents or other family members, verbally or physically abusive relationships, divorce, or death of a family member, etc.
The good news is you can unlearn the unhealthy coping mechanisms and turn your own life around.
A Personal Story
I grew up in an alcoholic home. Both my parents drank. Both were emotionally unavailable. It was back in the day when children were to be seen but not heard. I developed a coping skill of pretending to be invisible and people pleasing to keep my parents from getting angry.
As an adult, I married an alcoholic. After living over 33 years in marriage to an emotionally unavailable man not capable of having a healthy relationship, I separated from him with my teenage son.
Why do I tell you think?
Sometimes you feel stuck, like you have no options. I didn’t believe I had any options. I had given my life to Jesus Christ in 2000 and it was my intent to stay married until death due us part, as it should be.
However, after trying for years to reach my husband and seek help for our marriage I discovered I was only hitting my head against a brick wall. Until, one day, God sent multiple people into my life to offer me a different vision of what life could be like.
Always Get Another Perspective
One woman I met was married to an alcoholic as well. In her case, she was able to hold her boundary. If her husband wanted to stay with her, he would have to get in a program and work on his addiction. And he did! They are still married today.
Another woman I know was forced to flee her husband with their infant son due to physically abuse. She literally left with only the clothes on her back. She was able to get away from him and start a whole new life.
Another friend of mine was married to an alcoholic woman, who would not give up her wine. He left her several times but always went back. Until one day, he couldn’t take it any more and left her for good.
What I discovered about myself was that I was a passive participant in my life. I had always just gone along with whatever came my way. That’s what I thought you were supposed to do. I had never really made a choice to do anything before. I often said yes to just about anything that came my way. (Part of the people pleasing issue!)
So, imagine my surprise, when I got to the point where I couldn’t take it any longer and someone suggested I could move out?
What? That’s an option?
Take Action For You
I honestly didn’t know it was an option. From there I began to learn to take responsibility for myself and my choices. As Marie Forleo says “Everything is Figure-out-able.”
I started making decisions that lead me in a better direction. One of those choices was to start my own marketing & copywriting business.
That brings me to the point of this post.
Sometimes it takes others to help you see your options.
It did for me. And it probably will be for you too.
It’s wise to get advice from someone who has been where you are. If you’re considering starting a business or have just launched a business, you might benefit from a resource I created.
The Five Common Mistakes People Make When Starting a Business was made to save you a ton of frustration and speed up the success of your business by avoiding mistakes of others.
